I was caught in a very precarious place. One in which my situation could take a turn in either direction. I was holding onto too much of everything. In the process I was losing myself. The very thing I thought would never happen since I was divorced. But in truth I merely transferred all of my doubt, concern and worry onto my children.Whenever they experienced disappointment from some infraction that their father had created, I added that onto my already overburdened shoulders. Every day I carried the weight of their disappointment along with my fury. I was in a never ending roundabout.
Then I came to a critical point.My worry and concern had me in a place where I was just barely functioning. Every conversation I had was about my kids and their feelings. Don’t get me wrong, it is okay to be concerned about your kids. It’s just that my situation had hit a climax. I was at a point where I was either going to instantaneoulsy combust or get it together.
I was in the middle of a conversation with my cousin Joe. He stopped my in mid sentence and said these words to me. “Jacqui what if you just surrender?” My immediate reaction was to think “I will never surrender!” But the surrender he was talking about did not involve giving up or giving in. It was about releasing myself from burdens and bonds I did not need to be bound to.After we hung up I sat quiet for a while thinking about how to do this. It took a few weeks for me to begin the transformation.
Once I surrendered and released myself from those things I had allowed to hold me hostage, I experienced a relief I had not felt in years.The last time I felt that relieved was when the doctor told me they had taken out all the cancer following my surgery.I knew then that I had to live in a manner that was more true to who I really am. What I could not have foreseen was how I could get trapped into believing that I had to manage everyone, based on someone else’s poor behavior.
With the weight off of my shoulders, I began to really take a good look at my situation. I looked at it for the first time from a position of owning only what was truly mine. I took responsibility for what was in MY situation ONLY! Whatever anyone else was going through was on them. It was much easier to begin tackling the larger projects I had tossed aside in favor of carrying all that extra baggage. When this happened my kids noticed a dramatic change. I was no longer constantly after them. If they had something they wanted to talk about I was there for them. I had closed the door on questioning their every move.
My surrender has allowed my creativity to flourish. My thoughts are now my own. I have new ideas everyday about where I am going and where I want to be. I embrace all that I have achieved instead of feeling as though I must keep it hidden. From that position I am a more effective parent and a better role model!
What can you surrender in order release the burdens on your shoulders!!
Posted on 03/07/2015 at 12:00:00 AM