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WHO SHOULD BE RESPONSIBLE?

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One of the most difficult things I have ever had to do is to take FULL responsibility for everything in my life. Does not sound like a hard thing to do right? Except that doing this meant I had to take ownership over all aspects of my life. Still does not sound too intense. Until I realized this included my behavior towards situations and circumstances affecting my life.

This is when it became clear that it was almost like a mathematical equation that I refer to as S+R=R. Okay so it appears more like algebra than anything else. Here is how it breaks down for me. I would be in a (S)ituation + that would get me to have a (R)eaction and these two things would give me a (R)esult. When I started to look at things in this way, I realized that I had more options. I went from allowing myself to be a victim of other’s behavior, to taking charge of my own.

Up until this time I would fully engage when someone was doing something I did not agree with. I was enabling the person who was agitating me . I did not see it this way at first. I would make up an entire argument supported by facts to justify my anger. Without realizing it, I was investing so much energy in anger I had none left to think about different options.

As a single mother of two, I have had times when my budget was stretched beyond recognition. It was very common for me to complain about my ex not paying the support that was due. That is until one day I realized something. The lack of financial support (S)ituation that was making me angry (R)eaction, did not increase the amount of money I had (R)esult.

It took some time and quite a bit of meditation. But the next time my ex got laid off or lost his job, I took a deep breath. Then instead of reaching for the phone or emailing him in anger, I decided to take a look at different options. I realized that the only person who is completely within my control is MYSELF. By making some phone calls and scheduling more speeches I was able to come up with a creative solution to what could become a permanent problem. My children are old enough to understand that I had to make changes for the benefit of everyone in the home.

Now when things happen I know not to allow the (S)ituation to drive my (R)eaction in order to get a better (R)esult! How can you change what you are doing to take full responsibility for your life?