Propagating Purpose!

What comes to your mind when you think about having a predestined purpose? Do you think it all rests on knowing what kind of work you will do? Or do you consider the possibility of your purpose being centered around friends and family. You see most of the world concerns itself on the material rewards that are received. Sometimes God calls us into service not for materialistic gain but for his purpose in providing a special and specific relationship to one another. When I was growing up, there were exactly five different black families in my town, and we one of them. My father had died when I was four and my mother had a close friend who was also widowed with one son. Her son and my brother were exactly six months apart in age and became close friends. Growing up I always referred to my mother's close friend as Aunt Margaret. Now many of you reading this post may be thinking, yeah so what no big deal. But this relationship was a very big deal since my mother's family was limited to one living brother. As the years went on the relationship with my Aunt and my "cousin" Joe continued to this day and now I have "adopted" him as my "other brother". Throughout our ups and downs we have found a way to stay connected and when it seemed as though too much time had passed one of us would each out to the other. It's interesting how purpose is threaded into our lives in this way. Either people or situations that are meant to be beneficial to us repeatedly show up in one way or another, quite often unexpectedly. So when I read the Bible which I do daily and I reflect back on Romans 8:28, I realize that all of us are called to serve God's purpose in some way. It's important to remember that small things are what add up to big things. We all are called to serve God's purpose. How will you serve? God Bless Everyone!!

One thing I have noticed is that people are usually looking to CHANGE something in their lives. The change can be about the space they live in, going on a diet, starting new exercise habits or getting rid of a habit that is negatively impacting their lives. Any of these things that I have mentioned can be a large undertaking and tax our willpower in different ways. I was thinking back to the day I quit smoking 22 years ago this past August 1st, and I am still amazed that I was able to start that journey. For years I was the person who would say things like "I am not a quitter" and laugh as I lit another cigarette. I never left my home without matches, a lighter and of course my cigarettes . Then one day in 2000, something interesting happened to me. For the first time ever, I could smell the cigarettes on my clothing, my skin and in my home. This is the first step in starting to making a change, AWARENESS. You must be aware that there is something that needs to change. If you think that having bright pink walls in your home is fine, or eating junk food everyday is ok, then you may not be ready for change. If you are not ready to walk a little bit to get some exercise then starting an exercise regiment is highly unlikely. I remember being disgusted with myself for the very first time over the "stink" of stale cigarette smoke. That was the moment I started praying for help, because at the time I was still enjoying the cigarettes. I was on my knees, with my head bowed down every chance I could get in prayer because I knew I could not do it alone. The second step is to seek ASSISTANCE, don't try changing your home environment without doing some research first. Talking with your doctor may be necessary before you start exercising and most of prayer or meditation should be at the center of your journey. Do not view this as being weak, we are all human and are not meant to journey by ourselves. One day I will never forget it, it was early morning August 1, 2000 somehow I knew it was time to totally give it up. I took the entire package of cigarettes and gingerly placed them at the top of the trash bin. Then I took the dog out for a walk, came back home and had some breakfast. I spent the remaining time of that day looking up and praying that "this would work". And what I learned was this was just the beginning of my journey. The third step to creating change is to ACCEPT that the change you want is a journey and will not happen overnight. There were nights filled with nightmares that I had relapsed and smoke a cigarette. These dreams were so vivid, I would wake in a sweat with my heart pounding. It was only when I realized the ashtrays and the cigarettes were no longer part of my household I was able to go back to sleep. There were days in the beginning, that all I could think about was having a cigarette. That all changed one day when I was out with my son who was three at the time, and I saw a woman with her young child in her arms lighting up a cigarette. It was then I knew that my prayers has been answered and I was on the right path because "for the grace of GOD" that could have been me. The final step in creating change is to ACKNOWLEDGE the progress you are making. If you fight an addiction whether it is a substance or food, keep track of everyday you have gone without what was harming you. When you write down or check off the days you have been successful it will outweigh the moments you have with those thoughts that are trying to take you BACK. It may seem like small stuff right now but remember you can only take it one day at a time. God Bless Everyone this week and remember to be AWARE, seek ASSISTANCE be ACCEPTING and to ACKNOWLEDGE your success!! Most importantly include HIM in everything you do and HE will never let you down!!

I have been seeing a lot more advertisements lately for medications that are meant to assist people in managing their moods. In one of the most recent ads I have seen, the narrator strongly suggested NOT to overthink things and just "take the pill". The ad was in the setting of a person questioning a relationship and whether or not it was in danger. What disturbed me the most about this , is that it is exactly what medication should NOT be used for. It is very normal to question ourselves and also the relationships we are in. Things can and often do change as time moves on. Some might question whether or not to take a relationship to "the next level", whatever that might be. Others may question if the feelings are still there or if there has been a drifting apart. Our feelings should never be masked with medication initially, they should be explored by talking to the other person involved. Trusting our feelings should always come FIRST and we should remember that they are our warning signs or alerts to something being different. If a relationship does not feel right to YOU, then those are YOUR feelings and quite frankly cannot be disputed. The real question then becomes, why are you feeling this way? What has happened to create this discontent within you? Are you feeling as though the person involved with you is withdrawing from you, or are you the one withdrawing and if so, why? The core post of it all is to get to the ROOT of the issue instead of taking medication or using other substances that will only MASK your feelings!! So before you take the pill, take the plunge and ask the difficult questions and start those difficult conversations. That may be the only medication you will require!! As always GOD BLESS!!

In 2017 I was employed as a nursing assistant, and at the time I worked at a hospital on a medical surgical floor. O considered myself fortunate at the time because I was able to pick up extra shifts each week and earn some overtime. All that extra money went o the bills, but it meant the difference between falling behind and treading water. I was in the position of training all the new nursing assistants and those who were nursing students to the floor an how we handled things. At the end of each summer, I would watch the nursing students leave and talk about how excited they were to go back to school to "finish up". They were looking forward to becoming nurses. While I was anticipating the next batch of new recruits. One day one of the nurses I worked with said to me "it's too bad you can't go back to school". I looked at her questioningly and she continued "well you know now that your youngest is in college, I mean what would be the point really?" I looked away from her so she would not see the tears in my eyes. Thoughts swirled in my head, I could hear her voice saying "it's too late." And for a few months I agreed. In August of 2017, I called Cambridge College in Boston, Ma and just asked if I could come in for a conversation. You see, I was confused about which course of study to take. I could not make up my mind between becoming a Licensed Mental Health Counselor or a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. The woman I spoke with on the phone asked me for my phone number and my email address. And before I went in for the "conversation" I received an email asking me to bring in a "few things". I went to the school the next week with my "few things" and they had me fill out a few forms. I really had no clue as to what I was doing. I figured I was filling out all of these things for data, like I do when I want to get the discount card at a store. Well, in truth what I filled out was an application for acceptance into their LMHC Masters Program and three weeks later I was sitting in my first class. Eighteen months later I gradated with my Masters in Mental Health Counseling and the same woman who told me I couldn't do it had to admit she was wrong. What she said to me was "I don't think I could have gone back to school and done what you did." You see, when people tell you, "it's too late" and "it cannot be done" they are merely projecting their own doubts on YOU!! What I also know is that this is exactly the kind of thinking the devil wants to get you trapped in. He wants you to believe that it's too late and God cannot use you for his purpose any longer. But I am here as living proof, that is not true. By accepting and listening to God, I not only created a closer relationship to God but also discovered his purpose for me. By containing my education, I inspired my son to accept an opportunity at the University of Arizona to complete a Masters in Music Performance and a Teacher's Assistantship. God is always good and he wants the BEST for you... Start listening to him when he speaks to you and Follow his direction!

Expressing gratitude is a way of saying thank you for things. These things can be a gift, an opportunity or merely having a special relationship with someone. But it is the WAY that gratitude is expressed that is most important because it must be meaning fun and come from the heart. I personally have met plenty of people who say they are grateful for things they have. One woman I work with periodically owns a luxury car. She HAS to have a vehicle that is a little bit better ( in her mind) than what most people have. Yet one day, she and I were having a conversation about car maintenance, and I happen to mention how frequently I wash my car. She put her head down and admitted it had been quite some time since she had washed her car. I share this story with you not to suggest that owning a luxury car is a bad thing, but really to demonstrate that it is not about what you have, it is all about what is means to you. Take a look around you right now in your home and view all of the things that you have. How many of them do you really need, use on a regular basis or remember the day you purchased them. How do you treat the things you have? If you are not honoring your possessions by treating them well, then you are not truly grateful for them. That is how gratitude is really measured, not by how much you have but how you are treating what you have! This week my challenge for everyone reading this post is to write down what they are grateful for and how they honor their gratitude!!  God Bless and have a great week.

Mindfulness is at the center of therapy. You might ask yourself , why is that when there are plenty of other strategies or coping skills people can use? Well, the answer is really quite simple. Until a person can SLOW things down or bring them to a manageable pace, coping skills may be ineffective at first. Making mantras for ourselves is not all that complicated and I want to STRESS the importance of keeping it simple. The more complicated people make this the less likely they are to engage in using them. One of my clients this week identified the mantra for their day as: I AM OKAY ! This may not sound like much to a lot of people. However, if you are someone who struggles with anxiety and self esteem issues this is HUGE!! The purpose of creating simple mantras is to keep the person in the mindset for the day of what their mantra is and also to help them identify positive things about themselves and what they CAN achieve. The other important part of this is that the mantra DOES NOT have to change daily. A person can have the same mantra for as long as they need to. And it is extremely important not to rush someone into making a entire list of mantras because quite often that can become less meaningful and feel like too much work. This week create meaningful and simple mindful mantras!! G.

Some people think there is no difference between sadness and depression but there is a distinct difference between the two which I will explain in this blog. Before I do that, I want to share with you some common misconceptions about people who are in a depressive state. they are people who cannot laugh or enjoy anything they are people unable to see the good things in their lives they are just lazy they are just looking for attention all they want to do is avoid things Now that I have identified some common misconceptions about depression, let's get to the difference between sadness and depression: Sadness happens when an event occurs (such as a death) and for a short while , it lowers the person's mood. Yet they are still able to get up and do the things they normally do. They may have an appearance of being sad and tearful , but in a relatively short time they begin to appear a little bit brighter and they get back to doing the things they enjoy. Depression on the other hand is entirely different. There may or may not be an event that precedes the episode. The person may actually appear happy for moments throughout the day. The person feels hopeless and experiences helplessness. These emotions may also lead to the person having low energy, that affects their ability to: get out of bed shower change their clothes eat regularly ( it is not uncommon for people to experience weight loss or weight gain) loss of interest in the things they used to enjoy doing hopeless feeling that there is little to be grateful for helpless that they can do anything to change the way they are feeling If you are trying to help someone who is in a depressive episode, there are a few things you can do: be a cheerleader not a judge - encourage the person when they tell you they are trying ask the person what THEY need - all to often people want to help people with their own ideas , it is important to meet the person where THEY are learn to listen , really listen to what is and is not being said avoid sharing stories that draw a comparison between your feelings and theirs if needed provide quiet company-be a presence they can count on give them space when necessary These are just some of the things you can do to assist someone with depression, if you are concerned about safety please call 911 ,your local crisis line or the national crisis line at (800) 273-8255 for suicide prevention. Stay safe out there everybody!

Mindfulness is becoming more and more mainstream. It seems as though everywhere I look, whether In randlph is online or at at the grocery store there is something about mindfulness. It can seem overwhelming at times with the constant onslaught of information about this topic. I have had some clients tell me "mindfulness is NOT for me". And when I ask them why they feel that way, the answer I get most often is "I am not into all of that meditation stuff, so just forget it." This is where a lot of the information that is out there regarding mindfulness can be misleading. Let's face it, we are all different creatures of habit and do things that are unique to ourselves. So, knowing that, why should mindfulness be approached any differently. The BASIS of mindfulness is to "BE IN THE PRESENT MOMENT". I ask my clients this question a lot and now I will ask this of you. Have you ever had a time when you are in a discussion, meeting or and argument when all of a sudden you realize , you have no idea what is being said or what is going on? Somehow your mind managed to take you out of the present moment and when you come back to the present moment you are seemingly lost. This is where mindfulness comes in handy, and it is not all meditation, essential oils and patterned breathing. Although those are all great strategies if you are interested. Mindfulness is really a way of re-training our brains to focus on the "here and now". And the way it is achieved is by using different strategies. I have had clients who use folding clean clothes as a form of mindfulness and it does have to be done without the television, or music playing. I know yuck!! But remembering that the goal is to stay present in the moment, then multitasking cannot be part of the strategy. If you are a person who enjoys organizing things, then take on the challenge of re-organizing your room, the spice rack, your closet, your book collection etc, you get the idea. And again with these projects keep outside noise (televisions, music, podcasts etc) to a minimum. These are all ways to create a mindful routine for yourself that will increase your ability to stay in the "PRESENT". Good Luck and God Bless!!

The other day I had a very interesting conversation with a client of mine. She was telling me about her job and all the stress she has been feeling lately. She said she is always exhausted by the end of the day due to all of the stress. She went on to tell me that anytime she tells her boss about something new she is going to try, her boss squashes the idea. My client Robin (not her real name) said that her boss said things like "don't think you're special, other people here are contributing too." The more Robin spoke about her boss and the lack of support she was getting from her co-workers, the more it became evident that she was "planted" in the wrong place. I am discovering a lot more people are planted in the wrong place and do not even realize it. Like Robin many folks think that if "they" change then their results will be different in their environment. But what I know is this, it is of little use to constantly re-invent yourself when it is not being appreciated. There is only one thing that should be done at this point. And that is to take a good look around and assess the environment you are in. If the environment is not conducive to continued growth and there is little incentive to improve upon what you are already doing, then you might want to consider planting yourself in "richer" soil. You see, regardless of how long you have been in a position that has a financial gain, there should always be a new goal to reach. Something that will spark your enthusiasm to explore new things to try. When you find yourself at a crossroads and need help getting "planted" in firm soil, it is time to call me. I can help you to assess where you are and where you want to go!! You can reply to this post or go to www.jacquisenn.com and fill out a form to set up a free call.